Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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