There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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