As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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