Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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