I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
