My pussy is not your playground.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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