I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
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