I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
