Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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