My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
