i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
