You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
