i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
