So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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