He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
