discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
