im drinking this country out of the recession.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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