i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
