I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You took a bar mat shot.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
