Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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