I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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