she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
