Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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