you would pick up someone in the library
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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