She said her name was "party"
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
