White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
