Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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