enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize