Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I enjoy the company of your penis
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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