Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
