What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
