if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Congratulations! We have a period
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize