The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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