Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
