I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
