He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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