Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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