five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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