I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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