don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
