hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
