just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
