I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
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