I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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