worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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