NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
