I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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