Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
