Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
