Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
