Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
