The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
