4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
