Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
