so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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