I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
