Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
