I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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