Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
