But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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