mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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