I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
