Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
