I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
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