My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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