its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
