We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
