Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
